This article is about how to stop comparing yourself.
One habit that people seem to learn early in life is comparing themself to others.
This habit can be helpful up to a certain limit, where it becomes detrimental to your self-esteem and can skew how you perceive your identity.
To break any habit, work is required, but I can show you that the work to break by comparing yourself to others is worth it.
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1. Realize that nothing is ever as good or as bad as it seems
I think that this realization comes from life experience.
The words don’t hit the same until you experience something like this for yourself.
When you internalize these words, your situation begins to appear differently. It really is all about the perspective that you choose to take. No one is living a life without problems.
How people choose to solve their problems has a larger effect on their worldview.
When we compare ourselves to others, we usually do it without the whole picture in mind. In the past when I have compared myself, I have never told the person that I compare myself to about my situation.
I would have probably found out that there was a lot more that went into their success that I hadn’t considered. Or, that they have a distaste for a feature that I greatly admired.
This doesn’t have to be the case for every situation. Maybe some people’s lives are actually great and they will never experience the same struggles as me. In this case, I would suggest that they can’t be competitive because they are playing a completely different game.
People’s quality of life is the product of the decisions made when they were presented with opportunities.
You never run out of opportunities, therefore seeing someone else get one shouldn’t be an indication of you missing one.
Another post that you will enjoy: https://thrivingindependently.com/job_switching/
2. A surefire way to remain unhappy is to compete with the Jones’
When you try to keep up with the Jones’ or constantly meet the expectations that you think others have of you, you are playing a losing game.
You lose sight of what is important to you and waste your time and resources on things that do not serve you.
You will never find happiness in trying to satisfy other people because you were never meant to satisfy other people. Living the life that someone else wanted for you will not bring you fulfillment.
Interestingly, trying to keep up with trends is an easy way to conformity. The more you engage, the more you become like everybody else. The nature of trends is to attract the money of impressionable people.
Those who follow trends often end up with an excess of items in their homes that they don’t like and can’t get rid of. I encourage you to consider how trends impact your life and if they really serve you.
3. People are way less concerned about you than you would think
You might see this point as pessimistic, but hear me out first.
If you look at this from a positive perspective, it can give you peace knowing that people aren’t that concerned with what you do.
Most people are the main character in their own lives. You may be the supporting character, antagonist, or an extra and that’s okay.
Many of the stories that we tell ourselves about how other people think of us are untrue. I know that I have based my perception of a whole relationship with another person on a bad interaction.
In reality, the other person is living their life with their own joys and pains, not even considering the interaction that I thought put the relationship in jeopardy. Sometimes, it really doesn’t need to be that serious.
Use this as permission to pursue what it is that you want to pursue. At the end of the day, you are solely responsible for the choices that you make, good or bad.
I think that you should gift yourself this freedom.
4. You are only seeing what someone else is willing to share (the highlights)
This goes all the way back to my point about social media and not having the full story. The premature judgments that we make about ourselves can have lasting effects on how we interact with the world.
We have seen the effects on others’ mental health when they compare themselves to social media. Seeing others with the things that you think you want and the looks that you think you want to have can be de-motivating.
It takes time away from you appreciating what you have or what you can bring to the table. You are inherently valuable regardless of what the internet might try to make you believe.
If you have created stable beliefs about yourself and your value, seeing other people’s lives won’t make a difference to you in how you feel about yourself.
A good place to start is if you start to let your comparison impact your self-belief, you probably are spending too much time thinking about other people.
You would get much more value from focusing on and improving yourself.
Another post that you will enjoy: https://thrivingindependently.com/job_switching/
How do I stop Comparing Myself to Others?
If you have made it this far, you have probably gathered that it is never that simple. But a great place to start would be to make different associations.
You can begin by associating the feelings of self-doubt with something positive. When you start to feel like you are behind, you could think of one thing that you are doing well. You can ask for feedback on your work.
You can associate the fear of taking risks like other people with curiosity. Be more concerned on how people are able to achieve rather than what they achieve.
Another way to stop comparing yourself is to think differently.
You could start celebrating the success of other people. Them getting ahead does not mean that you are behind. You would probably want the same for your achievements.
For example, if you see someone get accepted into your dream school, you could choose to be happy for them. Your acceptance letter may only be days away!
Being positive isn’t only for the benefit of other people but for you as well. The toll and energy that being discouraged and bitter takes are exhausting.
When you are busy working towards your own goals, you don’t have time to compare yourself to others. So distracting yourself with your own business is also a great way to beat the habit.
Comparing yourself to others for any other reason than having a point of reference is wholly unproductive and does not serve you. We all are making efforts to be better and do not want to be held back by the limiting force of comparison.
I encourage you to work on yourself and refrain from comparison. You are already on a path to your goals and you do not need any mental block to delay you.
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